Outta Control!!!

So I'm realizing something. I'm growing into a woman. I'm becoming my own person. A person that knows who they want to be and who they are now, or at least close. In my youth my person was so much dictated by what others. Now I choose. I choose what I want and what I want to do and act and feel and be. It's all me.


Now to some you are thinking, "yea! Go Tara! Girl power!" Or whatever. In some ways yes. And yet as I ponder on this idea of growing into...well...me, I find some interesting factors that have decided to come along for the ride.

I have realized that I am ridiculous. I always knew I was a little weird, but I have just become over the top out of control sometimes, most times. Let me give you some examples.

1. When I was working for Gator Jacks I would have to walk down this street and I would pass this dog that would sit outside the house everyday. He seriously looked like no one wanted him and he just reminded me of Toby from the office. So I named him Toby. I would see him on my way to and from work and say hi and be on my way.

 2. I don't like to shave because it's so dry here so I will wax my legs. Well this semester I let them grow and then I kind of forgot. It's winter! I wear pants and boots all the time. So you can imagine the outcome.

3. Since we're on the subject of legs. There was this one time that a bee flew up my pant leg while I was in the car and stung me! Thank goodness I wasn't driving but I seriously thought I was going to die! Worst pain ever. When I got home I googled "how to get rid of a bee sting". One thing it said was to put baking powder on it.

P.S. It doesn't work.

4. I tend to be very resourceful, if you didn't notice. So one day Abby, Kelly and I wanted to have dinner but one of our roommates had a lot of people over. So we decided to have a picnic in our room and watch Fairy Tale Theater on my laptop.

It was a success!

5. I'm way too impulsive sometimes. Particularly with my hair.

6. I'm also way to obnoxious when it comes to Halloween. It just gets worse every year. Everyone is always these sexy costumes and I'm...

yea....

7. ...

...yea enough said.

8. What I do during exercise phys....

Does anyone else see an issue with these things? I am ridiculous. I find that the older I get, the more crazy I get. I feel like when I'm really old I'm going to be one of those grandmas that give my grand kids treats their parents say they can't have when they aren't looking and most likely call them "little shits".

So I fear for my future students.

Or maybe they'll think I'm crazy and therefore cool and want to be in my class. YAY!


Oye.

Spotlight

Insight in to the life of Tara.

Parties and I aren't friends. We used to be, but alas through years of being overshadowed by sisters and friends they have become a disappointment. I shared everything as a child and birthday parties were no different. Rarely have I had attention fixed on me. Normally it has been distracted by the more talented and exciting siblings or the more alluring friends. I've spent a lot of time in the shadows; kept behind that person as they soaked up my spotlight.

Part of the reason I moved to Idaho was to get away from being in their shadow. I moved to a place that no one knew me or my family or friends. I have tried to not allow myself to drift back into that shadow. Although there has been times that I have felt the light slip away. I don't like feeling that way. I don't like having to give up everything like I had done at home. Always for everyone else. Baptism shared, parties shared, room shared, toys, clothes, food, money, time, energy...

It would make me feel like I wasn't important enough to recognize alone. Like I was just something to check off the list.

It wasn't always like that but when you have six kids in your family, you tend to get lost in the crowd.

Even now, at 23, I feel unrecognized and lost in the crowd. No big special acts of love.



Okay enough whining. Don't worry, I'm not slitting my wrists or suicidal. :)

"Sure thing babe."

Ever since I can remember there have always been memories of going to Grandma and Grandpa Smith's house in Utah. We would go just about every summer and visit. Every morning we kids would wake up to Grandpa cooking up a storm. The kitchen would be full of the sweet aroma of whatever delight he decided to whip up. What we waited for was the world famous french toast. We traveled across Nevada....NEVADA, for this french toast. It was worth it every time. Grandpa would usually have his tiny little black and white tv on watching something while he cooked. I remember walking in the kitchen, rubbing my eyes, and just hearing him turning and say, "Morning babe!" Always a happy guy.

His TV was his pride and joy. I've never seen a man so engulfed in a TV. He loved his westerns. His present to himself his last Christmas was a flat screen TV. If he wasn't watching TV he was reading. I loved looking through his books. He would have all these old biographies on Abraham Lincoln from like the 40s and I would just have my eyes glued to them. 

He loved my mom so much. I've never seen a father love a daughter as much as he loved her. She would do anything for him and vice versa. He knew her so well and still worried about her down to his last days. I miss his sense of humor and his one liners. 

"Rise and shine resurrection morning!"

"He's a keeper"

"Sure thing babe"

"Judas Priest!"

"LOIS!"

And many, many more.

I love my grandpa. I miss him. 

Grandpa, 

I hope you have a happy birthday! Say hi to Aunt Ann Marie and Aunt Stacie for me. 

I love you.

Tara

Boys vs Men

So last night was annoying. Guy friend came to visit. Guy friend was kinda rude and left. Later another guy friend came to visit randomly and made me smile. Then later ex boyfriend from Florida texted me and we talked for a while. Up and down and up and down I went. Oye. So after talking to this ex I'm not going to lie I did miss him. He was older and more mature and all that jazz and I just haven't found anything close to him since. So I've been thinking about him and just about my love life since and what not and I just came to a conclusion that I haven't been satisfied with the guys I've dated since because they have been little boys! So I think that's the problem. I'm not "on the hunt" or anything. I'm just living my life, but geez I am just finding it very frustrating to find a guy that I can have an intellectual conversation with. Sooooo I guess patience comes into play as I await graduation and off to the world and rid myself of the fresh off the mish RMs, premies, and married men that just make you frustrated because they're married. Kind of annoying seeing this everywhere:

                                                                             (Boy)

When I would much rather see some of this:

                                                                              (Man)


Yeaaa buddy.



P.S. This does not give anyone permission to set me up now that you see what I like and don't like. :)

Noticing the Unnoticed

So I was thinking about this idea of serving and being served on my way back from class today. I thought about my day and all that had happened and I decided I need to recognize the service I receive from others but also try and strive to do service for others as well.

After the big breakup in the winter I was talking to a friend and we decided that we needed to recognize the blessings in our lives. I made a goal to do one act of service and recognize one blessing in my life each day. I did that every day. It started out easy but soon became a little difficult. I've decided to restart that goal. Along with recognizing the good deeds I see from others and the things I do for others, I need to recognize the blessings in my life. I challenge you all to do the same. :)


Monday, October 10th 

I witnessed:

-Abby helping with emails at work and taking the initiative.
-Kelly taking me to the chiropractor and waiting for me during my appointment, which ended up being over an hour long.
-Tricia training Lauren at work and being so patient.
-Lindsey taking amazing care of students at work.
-Sister Evans saying hello to me and asking about my weekend.
-During my Special Ed PE class I was doing a relay race and I had to crawl on my hands an knees and my knees just killed and so when I reached the finish line I collapsed (partly joking) and a boy named Jared that has down syndrome sat next to me and gave me a hug. It took me by surprise and made my day.
-Joel in my Senior Seminar class asked about how my paper turned out and was really nice to me. That made me feel good.
-I was walking home and saw someone changing a tire for a friend.


What I did:

-I sent a fun email to the peers to brighten their day.
-I bought Kelly a Jamba for taking me to the chiropractor.
-I tried to include everyone in the PE games in my Special Ed class.
-I was patient with Brother Thompson today.


Blessing: My health. I may have issues every now and then, but I see people with so much worse and I'm grateful for the body the Lord has given me and how He has helped me through my trials concerning my health. I'm glad I am active and able to be health enough to serve and aid others.

Can't I just be 17 again?

So back in school at BYU Idaho for my final semester. Ummm its pretty intense. I did not count of locking myself in my room every friday and saturday doing mountains of homework and huge projects right off the bat. The theme this semester for my professors seems to be "here let me give you this assignment, it will take about 6 hours to do, then I'll tell you that it sucks and you'll have to do it all over again." Joys. Especially one of my classes, my social studies method class, I'm having to redo and spend hours and hours on these assignments. The thing is I enjoy it. It's really digging into my profession as a teacher and I'm actually getting it! My teacher really likes me and said that he can see me becoming a master teacher. I nearly fainted I was in such shock. From this teacher especially, that's the best complement I could have ever received.

So besides that I am booked solid. Work has become more demanding and school is forcing me to realize "hey you're not going to be a student after this." EEEKKK! Student teaching is months away and I'm looking to buy a car, which I've never done before. Plus it just seems like, despite other contributing things, I just get constantly reminded how old I am. Ummmm I'm pretty sure all the new freshman look like they're 16. Gross. And I'm pretty sure all the RMs are hitting on them. Double gross. Seriously why do guys do that? I will never understand. I was helping a student the other day at the advising center and he was looking to transfer and asked where I had gone to school. I told him that I was a student and this was my last semester here. He replied, "Wow really? I thought you had school done with years and years ago. How old are you anyways?" Yea I did not answer that question.

Some days I feel like I just want things to slow down. Mostly concerning my family. My brother left for his mission over the break in August. That was difficult for our family, particularly my parents. I enjoyed spending time with Spencer before he left. I've forgotten how much he's grown. We became really close when he came out to school here. So it was nice to see him off and help him prepare. I can't count how many shirts I mended for him.

                                  Spencer's Farewell Party. Mrs. Jane's made him a Brazil cake.

                                                  Dad, Spencer, and Mom at the airport

                       Me, Hannah, Spencer, Megan, and Kate (only missing Brookie) at the airport

                                                              Waiting in line. It was very early.

                                                                       He loves us.

So Spencer has been in the MTC for a little over a month. He's supposed to head out to Brazil the end of October. We receive regular emails from him and he's doing great. 

I think sometimes when I'm feeling like this, growing up and having to make decisions and plan and such, its good to take a moment and get back to my roots. So here you go. Enjoy! :)

Please tell me I wasn't the only one who knew the whole dance routine. :)

Yea, I gave in...

Hello all!

So I finally got sucked in. I am now a blogger. Well I feel like because people have been doing this for years that I’m like a freshman in the school of blogging. So bear with me while I learn your ways. So as I began this process of creating this blog it asked for a title. Normally I would just use my name, but I’m trying to be cool like the junior and senior bloggers who have cool titles so I needed to find a good one. I even googled  “creative blog titles” and they had sites. Google saves lives. So I found from reading advice from others that it should be something about me, something meaningful. Whoa, I didn’t know it was that big of a deal. So I thought about it for a minute and this came to me. “serve, forget yourself, trust, listen”. Now let me explain. As some of you know I recently went through a very, very hard breakup. So I was down and in need of the Lord to strengthen me and help me through this. I remember one specific time that I was at my lowest that I was praying and this phrase came to me, “serve, forget yourself, trust, listen”. I have followed that advice ever since. It is the motto of my life. I find myself in such a better place now and that guy was so not worth it. A wise woman once told me, “boys are stupid”. Yea that’s pretty true. I’m kidding, mostly. 

 

So now I’m here and ready for what life gives me. I’m finally content with life and moving forward. So on to my final semester at BYU Idaho I go! Oye. Then student teaching in Salt Lake! Oye. Then….yea I don’t know. I’ve been thinking of things I can do after I graduate. Ya know, to delay my time before I have to be a real adult. Here’s what I have so far:

 Work for a cruise line. I figure get a tan, make some moneys, and travel.

Go on a road trip up the coast

Finally get a puppy and name him Frederick

Oooor...Just move somewhere and get a teaching job.




OR New Zealand!!!

We shall see.